8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
