I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
