I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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