Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
