This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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