i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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