i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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