those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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