he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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