Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
someone owes me an orgasm
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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