What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
