Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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