I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
