their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
