um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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