I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
How external is "for external use only"?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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