dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
