I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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