so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
