I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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