a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
