She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
