my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
