I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
