I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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