Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
