you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
