your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
