we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
