Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
