Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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