Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
