He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
