A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She even gives head with a lisp.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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