I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
