let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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