He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
