you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
