I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
