Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
