Sober January is a disaster.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
