a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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