its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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