Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
