my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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