This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
