is your mom at the bar?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
