I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
