Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
