The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
